Woodlice have been on Earth for over 100 million years. They survived dinosaurs, ice ages, and the invention of reality TV. They are masters of damp, dark places. So when you find one in your house, don’t scream. Just nod and say, “Hello, little crab potato. The fan is on. Get out.”
And if all else fails? Name him Garth. Give him a tiny piece of wet lettuce. Watch him butt-drink it. Then kindly escort him outdoors. You’ll both feel better—and your house will be slightly less weird. For now.
