If—and I say this with the historical caution of a man who has watched too many penalty shootouts—England reach the final? They’ll head to New Jersey. Yes, New Jersey.
The host of the final is MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. It’s basically the car park of New York City. So imagine this: Harry Kane lifting the World Cup trophy while the backdrop is a turnpike and a billboard for discount mattresses. Glorious.
Oh, and by the way, the semi-finals? Those are in Dallas (an indoor stadium with a retractable roof, which is basically a giant microwave for footballers) and Atlanta again. So if England gets that far, bring a fan and a change of socks.
But What If They Don’t Win the Group?
Fear not. If they finish second—which, let’s be honest, has a 60% chance of happening because we always do—they’ll play the Round of 32 in San Francisco. Bay Area fog, hills that make you weep, and a crowd that’s 50% English tourists who forgot their umbrella.
Then a potential second-round game could take them to Mexico City. Yes, Mexico. At altitude. Where the air is thin enough to make John Stones’ lungs feel like two deflated balloons. That’s a recipe for “I can’t breathe, but I can still miss a penalty.”
And the semi-final? Still Dallas or Atlanta. So either way, our boys are going to be doing a lot of flying. The England team’s travel itinerary is basically a Ryanair passenger’s worst nightmare.
England bei der WM 2026, Kader: Wer steht im Aufgebot? Und wer fehlt
