Want free dental? Commit a crime. Prison inmates get free dental care—yes, even a root canal—because the Eighth Amendment says cruel and unusual punishment doesn’t include toothaches. Don’t get too excited, though; the drill is probably rusty, and the dentist is named “Stitches.”
Another loophole: military service. Join the army, get free dental for life. But you also get yelled at during breakfast, so there’s a trade-off. Fun fact: The U.S. Army once spent $8,000 on a soldier’s dental implant. That soldier’s name? Nobody knows, but I bet he still can’t chew steak in formation.
