Caffeine free means you’re drinking coffee that’s been mostly stripped of its party drug. It’s for people who want the warm hug without the all-nighter. It’s not a lie, but it’s also not a full truth—it’s a negotiation between your desire for sleep and your desire for a hot brown beverage.
So next time someone sneers at your decaf order, smile and say: “I’m optimizing my life for strategic relaxation.” Then take a slow sip, feel that 5 mg of caffeine kiss your brain, and enjoy the ride—short as it may be. Just don’t try to run a marathon after drinking it. You’ll still be at the starting line, stretching, for approximately two hours.
