First, you’ll spot the car park. It’s massive, like a tarmac ocean, but it’s also a test of your driving skills. You’ll do the Trolley Tango—that awkward dance where you try to get a wonky-wheeled cart past a family unloading a whole month’s worth of shopping.
Pro tip: Always grab a trolley from the back of the line. The front ones are usually the ones that have a squeaky wheel and a mind of their own. You’ll be wrestling it through the aisles like a rodeo cowboy. “Whoa there, Bessie!”
Inside the Belly of the Beast
Once you’re through the automatic doors—whoosh—you’re hit with that fresh, air-conditioned smell. It’s like stepping into a climate-controlled wonderland. The lighting is so bright, it feels like a sunny day, even in the middle of a Leicester drizzle. You can find everything here.
Need a backup weird lightbulb for a lamp you bought in 2003? They’ve got it. Fancy a cocktail-sipping flamingo inflatable for the garden? Yep, probably aisle 17, right next to the firelighters. It’s a glorious, chaotic mix of necessity and pure nonsense.
