When the sun goes down, Miami turns into a giant, pulsing heart of bass and strobe lights. The clubs are packed tighter than a can of sardines, except the sardines are wearing $400 dresses and crying in the bathroom.
You will wait in line for 45 minutes to get into a place called “The Void.” Inside, the music is so loud your internal organs will re-arrange themselves. It’s the most fun you’ll ever have losing your hearing.
Miami During Spring Break: A Guide to Fun, Sun, and Unforgettable
Pro tip: Never trust a bouncer who has more gold chains than you have ex-girlfriends. He is the gatekeeper to a world of $18 vodka sodas and a floor so sticky it qualifies as a domestic hazard.
The Great Sunscreen Lie
You will buy SPF 50. You will apply it once. You will look like a lobster that got into a fight with a radiator by noon. The sun in Miami is not a star; it’s a laser beam powered by revenge.
Here’s a fact: Miami’s UV index in March is often an 11. For context, that’s “Extreme.” That’s the same rating as the surface of the sun during a solar flare. Wear a hat. Wear a second hat.
If you don’t, you will spend your final days in the hotel room, lying on the cold tile floor, praying to the porcelain gods. It’s not a good look for your vacation photos.
