Your room is a weird masterpiece. It’s got all the hallmarks of a standard Premier Inn: that hypoallergenic bed you could sell a kidney for, a massive TV, and a bathroom that fits in a shoebox. But then you notice the ancient window frame built into the wall next to your automated blackout blinds.
That window is 800 years old. Imagine the dramas it has seen: Viking raids, plague doctors, and now someone binge-watching The Traitors on a 40-inch screen. The walls are so thick (about three feet of solid stone) that you get zero phone signal. It’s the most peaceful, enforced digital detox you’ve ever paid for.
PREMIER INN COLCHESTER TOWN CENTRE, COLCHESTER
The Breakfast: A Knight's Dilemma
Breakfast is served in what used to be the great hall—presumably where knights once argued about taxes or who got the last chicken leg. Now it’s a cafeteria-style buffet. You can grab a full English, a croissant, or, if you’re brave, a “medieval mushroom” that looks suspiciously like a standard button one.
I saw a guy in a full business suit eating his bacon while staring at a wall engraving from 1200 AD. He was checking his watch. It’s the perfect metaphor for this place: time doesn’t matter when you’re eating fried bread in a castle. Just don’t spilt baked beans on the flagstone floor; the ghosts get passive-aggressive.
