Of course, the brick doesn’t find oil. It finds something much more typical for the Trotters: an old sewer pipe. The boat ends up in a bay that turns out to be a designated “no-drilling zone,” and they’re chased by an angry naval officer. This is the universal law of “get-rich-quick” schemes. You don’t just fail; you fail in a way that’s spectacularly embarrassing and slightly illegal.
It reminds me of the time I tried to start a dog-walking business and accidentally walked an entire pack of hounds into a wedding reception. Or that time a friend tried to sell home-made candles that smelled like “New Car” but actually smelled like “Burning Plastic.” The Trotters don’t just hit a snag; they hit a snag that turns the boat into a floating crime scene. The sheer, glorious incompetence is what makes it so relatable.
Only Fools and Horses: Licensed to Drill (1984)
The Silver Lining of a Broken Drill
And yet—and this is the magic of Only Fools—they don’t really lose. The episode ends with the government paying them off to stop drilling, effectively rewarding them for being terrible at everything. It’s the most perfect outcome for a conman who doesn’t actually con anyone. They stumble backwards into a small profit, purely because they were such a nuisance.
That’s the takeaway for all of us. Sometimes, you don’t need to succeed. Sometimes, you just need to make such a beautiful mess that someone pays you to go away. Maybe you didn’t flip that broken lamp for a profit, but you got a funny story out of it. “License to Drill” is a love letter to the harmless dreamer in all of us. The one who buys the lottery ticket, starts the vague business plan, and is absolutely convinced that the brick on a string will find the oil.
So next time you’re chasing a daft idea, remember Del Boy standing on that sinking boat, clutching a license that’s worth nothing. He’s smiling because he hasn’t realised it yet. And honestly? That’s the whole point. The joy isn’t in finding the oil; it’s in the absolute, unshakable belief that the brick might just work this time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a very questionable offer for a “genuine antique” foghorn on eBay. Wish me luck.
