First, let’s meet our young star. JJ Gabriel isn’t just some kid with a cool name; he’s an absolute menace in the academy. He joined from Arsenal, which is like defecting from the enemy to the slightly more chaotic enemy. He’s been scoring goals for fun, the sort of numbers that make you think someone gave him a cheat code for FIFA.
We’re talking about a striker who, in one game, scored ten goals in a 13-1 win. Ten goals. That’s not a hat-trick; that’s a ‘where-did-you-park-the-bus’ trick. He basically turned a youth match into a playground session where he was the only one allowed to touch the ball.
You’d think a club that can’t score in the Premier League to save its life would chain this kid to a contract. But no. United are fumbling harder than a new-born giraffe trying to walk.
