First, we have Hal and Lois. Hal is the goofball dad who dances in his underwear and has a secret life as a speed-walking champion. Lois is the screaming, chain-smoking matriarch who runs the house like a tiny, terrifying dictatorship. Together, they created four—wait, no, five—ridiculous sons.
Francis is the oldest, sent off to military school to save Lois’s sanity. He’s got a rebellious streak and a wife named Piama, who is somehow even more scary than Lois. Then comes Reese, the human garbage disposal who can eat a whole cake and then punch you for looking at him wrong.
Malcolm is the genius middle child, our narrator, and the only one who seems sane. Spoiler: he’s not. Then there’s Dewey, the creepy little piano prodigy who probably knows exactly where you buried your childhood dreams. And finally, Jamie, the baby, who is mostly a prop for chaos until he starts talking.
Wait, Did We Forget Someone?
Oh, right—Lois’s mom, who is a nightmare. And Hal’s parents, who are so nice it’s suspicious. See? Even the extended family is a wild card. But the real fun starts when you realize this tree has more branches than a haunted forest.
