Do not, under any circumstances, eat a whole raw leaf like a burrito. You will choke, and the paramedic will laugh at you. Also, never serve raw cabbage to a first date without warning them—it has a reputation for making people feel like a hot air balloon. (That’s the fiber; it’s a sign of a healthy gut, but still—be polite.)
And for the love of all that is crunchy, do not store cut raw cabbage in the fridge for more than three days. After that, it turns into a sad, wet, wilty ghost of its former self. Eat it fresh, or suffer the consequences.
The Final Verdict
Raw cabbage is the unsung hero of the vegetable world. It’s cheap, it’s hearty, and it can be delicious if you treat it with respect and a good dressing. So go ahead—buy that green brain, shred it like you mean it, and eat it like the crunchy, vitamin-packed champion you are.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a head of cabbage and a jar of miso paste. Don’t judge me.
