Don’t forget the cost of your sanity. Getting an antibody test is a psychological gamble: positive means you probably had the virus, negative means you’re still a clean slate or your body just forgot to take notes. One study found that 5% of tests give false positives, which is a fancy way of saying “congratulations on your fake victory.” That’s like winning a gold medal made of cardboard.
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Also, factor in the time wasted. Waiting for results is like watching paint dry, but the paint is your blood, and the roller is a lab tech who’s behind schedule. Most clinics email results, but some still make you call, forcing you to play phone tag with a receptionist who sounds bored of your existence.
Can You DIY It for Free?
Technically, you could buy a home test kit for $20 at a pharmacy, but accuracy drops to about 70%. That’s like flipping a coin, except the coin is also on fire. The FDA warns against trusting these completely, but hey, if you want to save money and enjoy some light paranoia, go for it. Just don’t blame me when you’re convinced you’re immune to everything, including bad hair days.
