Ah, the sugar-free version. You think you’re clever, don’t you? You’re avoiding the sugar crash, but you’re still guzzling caffeine and artificial sweeteners that make your gut bacteria send angry group texts. It’s like ordering a salad with ten pounds of bacon on top. You’re still playing with fire, just a slightly less sticky fire.
Three sugar-free Red Bulls can still spike your anxiety. I once drank two sugar-free ones before a dentist appointment. I was so jittery, the hygienist thought I was auditioning for a horror movie. My teeth were clean, but my soul was not. Portion control is the real winner here.
