I spoke to a man who actually tried to count them all. He started on a Tuesday morning, full of optimism and a pint of bitter. By Wednesday, he was weeping into a scotch egg, having lost count around number 847. The problem is that every pub has a doppelgänger—there are 67 pubs named “The Crown” alone, and another 34 named “The Red Lion.” It’s like trying to count sheep that all have the same name and a slight drinking problem.
And let’s not forget the “secret” pubs. You know the ones: no sign on the door, just a tiny brass plaque and a bouncer who looks like he judges your soul. Those are unlicensed, unlisted, and completely uncountable. Add those in, and the number suddenly becomes “a lot” plus a few hundred more.
How Do You Even Define a Pub?
Does a gastropub count? That’s a restaurant that charges £18 for a burger and calls it a “pub.” I say no, because if the menu has a harissa aioli, it’s not a pub—it’s a fancy place with bad lighting. A true pub must have at least one sad-looking dartboard, a dog named Trevor, and a carpet that smells like 1987. Using that strict criteria, London probably has about 1,200 proper pubs, and the rest are impostors.
Then there are the Wetherspoons. Love them or hate them, they dominate London like a cheap, widespread fungus. There are over 100 of them in the city, and each one feels like the same pub with a different name. If you’ve been in one Spoons, you’ve been in all of them—but you’ll still get lost trying to find the bathroom.
Pint-lover creates map of London that pinpoints every pub and bar with
