You turn up at your local polling station—usually a school, church, or that creepy community hall that smells of floor wax. You get your ballot paper, mark your first choice with a cross (yes, a simple cross, not a love letter), and then your second choice in the same column. Don’t panic if you only have a first choice—you can leave the second blank. Handy tip: Bring a pen, because half the time the pencils are nibbled to stubs by other voters.
Polling stations are open from 7 AM to 10 PM. If you rock up at 9:59 PM, they will let you vote, but the staff will glare at you like you just kicked a puppy. Count the votes happens overnight, and by the next morning, London wakes up to a new (or the same) boss. It’s faster than a Big Mac drive-thru, honestly.
And Then What? The Winner Takes It All?
The winner gets a four-year term, a fancy office at City Hall (shaped like an egg, which feels appropriate), and the power to annoy drivers with new cycle lanes. They also get to stand next to the Prime Minister looking smug. But here’s the funny thing: turnout is usually around 40%. That means six out of ten Londoners just... don’t bother. Imagine giving away your say on tube fares and rent prices because you couldn’t be arsed to walk 200 meters.
So next time you’re stuck in traffic or the Northern Line decides to “pause,” remember: Dave and I (and you, hopefully) have a system. It’s quirky, it’s a bit messy, and it involves second choices, but it’s ours. And honestly, it beats letting Gary the Plumber near the city budget.
