The first line of defense is delightfully low-tech: the late-night salivary cortisol test. Between 11 PM and midnight, you spit into a tube. Why? Cortisol is supposed to crash while you sleep, hitting rock bottom around midnight. If your spit shows a high level, the system is broken.
This test is practically a spy movie—you, in your pajamas, collecting evidence while the rest of the house dreams. It’s non-invasive and weirdly satisfying. Pro tip: Don’t brush your teeth or eat two hours before, because no one wants to test the plaque. A single high result isn’t a diagnosis, but it’s your ticket to the next round.
