The good news? Most food poisoning is like a dramatic one-night stand—intense, regrettable, and over quickly. You’ll probably be back to normal in a day or two, ready to eat again with a healthy dose of paranoia. That’s not a bad thing: it’s your survival instinct getting a tune-up.
So next time you feel that rumble, take a breath. Check the clock, replay your last meal, and listen to your stomach’s melodramatic protests. And if all else fails, remember: you’ve survived worse—like that time you tried kale. You’ve got this.
