Not everyone will have the “eggnog races.” But if you’re lactose intolerant, have IBS, or just drank a gallon of nog while also eating a cheese platter, you are a target. The human gut can only handle so much dairy, sugar, spice, and booze before waving a white flag made of toilet paper.
How Long Does Eggnog Last? Tips to Store it
One surprising fact: your gut microbiome changes with the seasons. Holiday stress, less sleep, and weird eating patterns can make you more sensitive. So that same nog you handled fine last year might turn you into a human fire hose this December. It’s the gift that keeps on giving—to your plumber.
How to Avoid Disaster
First, check if you’re lactose intolerant. A simple test: drink a glass of milk and stand near a bathroom for 30 minutes. If you feel fine, you’re golden. If not, switch to lactose-free eggnog—yes, it exists, and it’s surprisingly good. Think of it as nog that’s been to therapy.
Second, limit your serving size. One cup is festive. Four cups is a cry for help. Moderation is your friend, even if your holiday spirit screams for anarchy. Pair your nog with a meal full of fiber, like a whole-grain cookie. The fiber will slow down the sugar rush and give your colon a chance to countersue.
Third, make your own with cooked eggs. It’s safer, and you can control the spice. Pro tip: toast the nutmeg first—it’s less likely to launch a surprise attack on your intestines. Or just add extra bourbon and accept the consequences. We don’t judge.
