Living with him is a trip. I’ll ask him to take out the trash. He’ll say, “Sure, but first I have to make a stop at the junkyard to “inspect” a shipment.” I clean the guns while he cuts the vegetables for dinner. It’s our little routine. Domestic bliss with a side of plausible deniability.
He calls his business a “consulting firm.” Which, technically, is true. He consults with people on how to not get their car tires slashed. He’s a people person, in the most literal sense. He knows everyone’s name and their deepest, darkest secrets.
Holidays are a blast. His giant, scary “associates” come over. They bring cannoli and talk about “taking care of things.” They always bring the best wine. Nobody tries to start a political argument. Because nobody wants to wake up with a horse head in their bed. Is that a joke? I’m not sure anymore.
The Pros and Cons List
Pro: I never have to worry about parking tickets. Con: He “fixes” parking tickets by finding the officer who wrote it. Pro: We always get the best table at any restaurant. Con: The “owner” usually pays for it. Guilt by association is a real thing, you guys.
18 Year Old Woman Married Her Godfather Updates Life After Her Divorce
Do I worry he’ll get arrested? Every single day. But then he comes home, kisses my forehead, and says, “Don’t worry, the paperwork is solid. Think of it as a creative business structure.” I don’t know what that means, and I’m not sure I want to.
My ex-husband used to hide his credit card statements. Gio hides people. It’s a different level of relationship trust. You have to be okay with never asking, “So, where were you last night?” because the answer might be “Miami. Donating to a politician’s campaign.”
