Regular water is your workhorse. It hydrates you, keeps your skin from turning into parchment, and helps you digest that burrito you regret at 2 a.m. It’s reliable, cheap, and always available.
Alkaline water is the new neighbor who bought a juicer and talks about their “gut microbiome” during elevator rides. It’s not bad—just a lot. You might try it once, feel nothing, and go back to your normal water with a newfound appreciation.
So next time you’re standing in the store, staring at a $4 bottle of alkaline water, remember: you can get the same hydration from the fountain by the restrooms. The choice is yours. Just don’t let Chad make you feel bad about it.
Drink what you like. Stay hydrated. And for the love of all that is holy, don’t overthink your H2O.
