Let’s be real: we don’t watch for the perfect rumbas. We watch for the absolute train wrecks that remind us of our own wedding dance disasters. This season delivered a slow-motion foxtrot that looked like two people trying to navigate a crowded IKEA on a Saturday. One contestant, a retired NFL star, moved his hips with all the confidence of a toddler wearing grown-up shoes—glorious, but terrifying.
On the flip side, you had the ringer—a pop star who clearly took ballet at age three. She glided across the floor like a swan on roller skates, and everyone in the audience felt both inspired and deeply inadequate. It’s the same feeling you get when your friend posts a “no-filter” selfie that’s clearly better lit than your entire life. But hey, it’s live TV, so we forgive the perfection.
The real star, however, was the professional dancers. They deserve hazard pay. Imagine trying to teach a country singer a tango while they keep asking, “Wait, is this the electric slide?” These pros smile through the chaos, and their patience is the only thing keeping the show from turning into a full-on reality show meltdown.
’Dancing With the Stars’ Season 35 Is Here—and There Are Easy Ways to
The Costumes & The Semi-Tragic Hair
The wardrobe department clearly raided a fairy-tale costume shop after a glitter explosion. One contestant wore a dress so heavy with rhinestones that she looked like a chandelier on stilts. Another guy had a Latin suit that was so tight, you could see his soul trying to escape through the zipper. And the hair? Half the cast had more product in their hair than a 1980s hair band’s tour bus. It was magnificent.
The judges, meanwhile, had their own wardrobe quirks. Derek Hough looked like he’d just stepped out of a high-end catalog for “urban wizard chic.” Bruno Tonioli, on the other hand, made sounds that were less commentary and more cartoon sound effects. When he jumps out of his seat, you half-expect a “boing” noise and a puff of smoke. It’s the comfort-food entertainment we all crave after a long week of adulting.
