If you’re going out on Black Friday, you need a plan. Dress in layers. Bring snacks. Do not make eye contact with anyone holding a large box. They are unpredictable. I once saw a woman use a microwave box as a battering ram to get through the checkout line. It was inspiring and terrifying.
You’ll see the “doorbuster” deals. These are the microwaves they stack by the entrance. They’re usually stripped down models with a spinning plate made of recycled yogurt cups. The line is long. The deal is good. Your feet will hurt for a week.
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But then you see it. The one you actually want. It has a child lock (as if your toddler cares about defrost settings). It has a 15-year-old touchpad. And it’s fifty percent off. You grab it. You don’t even look at the reviews. You just know.
The aftermath: a love story
You get it home. You unbox it. It smells faintly of plastic and victory. You carefully place it on the counter, right where the old one sat. You plug it in. The clock flashes “12:00” at you, and you leave it that way for the next three years. It’s tradition.
You make your first meal: a cup of instant noodles. The microwave purrs. It’s quiet. It’s efficient. It doesn’t sound like it’s going to explode. You feel a surge of joy. You just saved forty bucks and earned a new best friend.
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That night, you realize you forgot to buy batteries for the remote. But you don’t care. You have a new microwave. You reheat leftover pizza at 11 PM, and it comes out perfect. The cheese is melted. The crust is just chewy enough. You nod at the machine. It nods back. This is happiness.
