We are a different species now. We have home gyms made of resistance bands and Zoom fatigue that is basically a permanent condition. If it happens, the first week will be a blur of panic-buying avocados and arguing with your partner about whose turn it is to mute themselves. The second week will be binging that show everyone already watched in 2026. The third week? You’ll be knitting a scarf for your cat, who now demands you attend her “meetings” by staring at you.
Covid-19: Lockdown needs to be stricter, scientists warn
And let’s not forget the memes. The memes will be phenomenal. We will collectively laugh about how we all bought tiny desks that fold into the wall. But the dark truth is that inside, we’ll all be screaming, “I just want to sit alone at a coffee shop and judge strangers!” It’s the small things we miss.
So, is it going to happen? I don’t know. Honestly, the government probably doesn’t know either. They’re probably arguing about it in a room that smells like burnt coffee and desperation. The real question is: are we ready for the chaos of waiting to find out?
Practical Advice for the Existentially Exhausted
Here’s my plan. I bought one extra bag of coffee and a new jigsaw puzzle of a sunset. I haven’t touched a sourdough starter. If Kevin and Brenda start building bunkers, I’ll maybe panic. But for now, I’m just going to enjoy the fact that I can still walk into a store without a mask. I’ll touch the cardboard boxes in the aisle just because I can.
My final anecdote is this: yesterday, I saw a man in a parking lot arguing with his car about the best way to load groceries. He was losing. That’s us. We are all just arguing with our cars about grocery loading. A lockdown won’t fix that, but it will give us plenty of time to argue about it on TikTok. So go ahead, buy the jumbo-sized snacks. Hug your neighbor (with consent). And remember: we survived the first round of weird. If the sequel comes, at least our sweatpants are broken in.
